Titles Suck

Resurrection

2006-01-29T00:27:00.000-05:00

Okay, so...I'm not dying anymore...at least, no more than you are. (My apologies to the terminally ill.)

I'm switching majors to Industrial Design. I know it's a change, but...I'm getting excited about a f-ing history course about the material. This is weird.

The rest of school kindof sucks, because I basically don't go to Georgia Tech. I just take classes there. And I don't know how to fix that when there's a good number of people I see on a daily basis that I wish I could just ignore...that I don't even like. But, it'll get better.

I'm dying....

2005-09-30T23:31:00.000-05:00

So, I'm back to being depressed Joseph. Maybe the fucking buddhists were right.

Today was such a pretty day: the trees and the grass and the few flowers that remained on tech's campus and in college park were awash with more vibrant colors than I've seen in a long time. The air was crisp and cool and energetic, and I felt generally good.

And then I got some bad news. That DSP test I thought I did so well on, well...actually, I got a 74, just below the class average of 76.

Then I got some more bad news: a 55 on a physics test that I also though I did well on, with a class average eleven points higher.

Then I failed at something that I'm supposed to be good at. My VoiceXML/Perl project for intro CM never did get done because what i was trying to do is not actually possible with the tools givne to me, even though the help files lead me to believe it was. I guess the "do anything creative" part of the assignment kindof bit me in the ass. The professor just said to write up what I think went wrong and why I think it won't work, and that's what I did. And my grade probably won't suffer that much, but he's going to say that I should have had enough time to hack together another, less-ambitious, project as opposed to turning in something that (while probably correct) doesn't work.

The weird thing is that Georgia Tech seems to have taught me one important lesson: failure--based on my old ideas of what constituted failure--is not only okay. It's the normal state of being.

And then I started thinking.

There are a lot of things I'm good at. Some of the things I'm good at have the potential to make money. For instance, I can code decently...something that a great deal of the people on the planet will never understand. But, I don't think it's worth the effort that it would take to get really good at it.

And it's basically the same with almost everything I do...at least, everything that I could make a living off of.

I would have no problem DJing for the rest of my life: spending my time listening to new music and buying it as it hits store shelves...playing it in clubs...touring into my 40s. That would be fun. It would be creative. And I could - if hell froze over - make a good living at it. But, the number of people who "make it" is several orders of magnatude smaller than the number of people who try and fail, and those odds just suck.

Math is another thing that I'm good at but that I don't care enough about to really get great at. I can understand, qualitatively, the pointcare conjecture question - a math problem that has remained unsolved for a few generations. Basically it says that a solid sphere can be shrunk down to an extent that it looks like a point, but a doughnut can't, becaue there will always be a neighborhood around a point on the surface of the middle part small enough so that it encompases something that isn't a doughnut and that is also encompased by a similar neighborhood around a similar point...basically, you can always see space in the middle, no matter how far away you get. the pointcare conjecture says that this happens in any number of (spatial) dimensions. And I can see that in my head.

Ask me to draw it or to write it down mathematically using greek and roman letters and little symbols that have mystical meaning for some people...and i'm lost. And that step, to me, doesn't matter that much. It's not worth the effort to learn to take the idea in my head and put it on paper, because it really doesn't matter to me if other people can understand it or not. the logical, spatial solution is enough for me and i don't care if anyone else gets it.

Shooting, however, is like DJing in several respects. I enjoy it. I'm good at it. And for purely personal reasons, it's worth working toward. I could be very happy working to shoot well. I could run and swim and lift weights and all of it would be worth while if it means getting closer to my goal of winning the olympcis, or at least shooting well in my own mind, which would probably be a lot harder. It's different from DJing mostly because I've been doing it longer, and therfore I'm much better at it. But, it's also different because there is no way to make money at it. None. Zip. Nada. Nothing that I can do with shooting will make enough money to support my desired lifestyle of BMWs, Dolce & Gabana, Armani, Theory, Brioni, Fillet Mingions, and Stoli Elit. Nothing I can do with shooting will provide for a family in the way that I would want to, and it takes so much time that doing it in addition to having a career to do all the other things just won't happen.

At least with DJing, there's a posibility of making money.

And you know what I don't spend my time on: Shooting and DJing.

I've touched my turntables maybe three times since...july...and not for a few months before that.

I haven't touched my guns since...early august, then a rifle malfunction took me out of the running for the USA Shooting World Cup team. I probably wouldn't have beat out people like Jason Parker and Matt Emmons, but you know what, if I had kept up pace and my rifle hadn't started throwing shots out to the 7 ring, I would have been a hell of a lot closer than I was.

I don't do them, partially because I love them. I feel like doing them is completely unproductive becaue of the time and energy they take. And it's the weirdest thing. Even though I love doing them, I feel like they're not at all productive, and when I get done I feel guilty because I didn't spend that time doing something that might help me find a way to exist in the real world.

I feel like I'm living in a dream world when I'm shooting or spinning: the dream world we all live in as kids when Mr. Rodgers tells you that you can be anything you want and that you can do anything if you set your mind to it. Unfortunately, making money out of nothing isn't within the realm of posibility. Well, making money out of less valuable substances is, but it's called counterfiting and it's illegal.

And it appears to be that way with everything. Everything I'm good at that can make money and everything I'm good at that I feel naturally inclined to work for are two mutually exclusive groups.

And that pisses me off. Because knowing me and assuming I can't remedy this, not only will I never be happy at my job, I'll never have a job to be unhappy at, because I'll never work at anything I hate long enough to get one.

I really hate my life right now.

I hate everything about Georgia Tech. I don't want to be an engineer. The only things I want to study I don't feel like I'll be able to make money off of.

I read through the cerriculums for a variety of majors today, and not one of them seemed the least bit interesting.

Heh. I've been talking to Katie while I was writing this. And it's taken a while. I've come a bit down from my depressed self that I was when I started writing, and now I'm kindof apathetic toward the whole thing.

I do know that I don't care about engineering. I don't care about how to calculate a fourier series integral or that laplace transforms make math work, I don't care that you can make a computer add numbers with some and gates and some inverters. And I really don't care what a metal-oxide semiconducting field effect transistor is or does as long as I can use the tools that they make possible. I want to use the computer, not make it.

Psychology interests me, but...the thought of putting up with school for long enough to get a degree in it that will take me anywhere is extremely depressing, especailly if that school is anything like georgia tech. And I'm still not convinced that I would enjoy that work. I couldn't hold a psychiatric practice and train for the olympics...and still expect to have anything of a home or social life. I certainly couldn't do all that and still spin.

I just wish that I loved something that could make money, or that I could make money doing what I loved.

Right now, I'm open to suggestions, because I'm all out of ideas.

heh 2 posts in 1 sitting...weird

2005-09-24T23:04:00.000-05:00

Balearic House/Prog is teh secks...or whatever you want to call it.

I think I have a new favorite genre...

i'm back there again...

2005-09-24T20:05:00.000-05:00

yeah, i'm back there...and once again, I'm the guy from Office Space. If only it was as easy as stealing a few hundred thousand dollars and having a disgruntled squirrel-fetishish burn down a building to fall into what I want to do. Maybe the idea in the back of my mind really is what I want to do.

Meditate on this, I will...

up and down....again....

2005-09-22T23:00:00.000-05:00

So, last night did not go as planned. I had planned to make a major change in my life, and I didn't. Partially because it's hard to change, partially because of other reasons, I decided to put it off further. Either 'till next week or the end of the semester, and only time will tell which I decide.

I did, however, sleep better last night than I have in over 2 years. The last time I slept that well was August 6th, 2003. And anyone who knew me at the time knows why. This time is different, because it doesn't involve a girl.

I really do feel good about most things right now, because now I know I can change them. There's nothing holding me back anymore and I feel like I have a choice about how to change my path. And that's good.

School sucks, and I still suck at it. DSP is taking a weird ammount of work considering what I feel like I'm learning, lcc2700 is turning out to be orders of magnatude more involved than I thought it would be, Physics is a joke - the course is about dealing with the online homework - and I think that my personality theory professor has a personality deficit. But, whatever. Georgia Tech has successfully broken my attempts to care about school. I don't even really want the piece of paper with the sticker on it, but I guess I'll work for it so I don't have to make other choices.

Also, new things on the horizon, however distant and noncommunicative it is...that's good. I'm ready for something new, anything new.

And I'm listening to Elton John...unfortunately, I don't have more than I do, 'cuz I'm kindof craving it. Sometimes, you just crave good, laid back, music.

So, I was hoping to write something important here, but...it didn't end up happening. Maybe I'll write about my revalation when I grow a set of balls...or decide that it actually is time to move on.

Tonight....

2005-09-21T17:42:00.000-05:00

Tonight is going to be interesting. Details at 11.

well, that kinda died....

2005-09-16T03:00:00.000-05:00

[warning: I ramble more than usual in this one]

So, it's been a long time since I've written anything, probably because I don't really like Blogging. I've sat down and typed numerous times, but I never manage to hit the Publish button. Maybe tonight will be the night, because I've just got to let some of this out.

Last time I wrote, I had just come back from Men of Honor and I had this wonderful new outlook that everything in life was a chocie. Well, that kinda went out the window for a little while.

Georgia Tech raped my ass and I lost Hope, just because I don't care.

I Lost my license, but the wonderfully efficient State of Georgia took until late May to process it. I get to drive again the week before semi-formal. And I'm not studyig for the driving test (I have to redo everything), just out of principle. And if it turns out that I have to do the whole graduated license thing again, well...that'll be just one more reason to transfer schools, claim residency somewhere else, and try my luck there.

Katie and I are still dating and despite the distance now, we're doing okay.

Classes are weird. I'm learning, but it appears that Georgia Tech's attempts to kill my thirst for learning have all but succeeded: even in classes I'm not prepared for, I don't do anything. That's obviously a choice, but it's one I don't understand yet keep making over and over again, even after failing numerous reading quizzes and probably making teachers I really respect hate me.

I felt smart today, because I solved something in the DSP lab in a novel way. Once again, it wasn't out of effort, it just made sense to me.

And I still suck at school.

Oh yeah, and I got a D in physics last fall because of a combination of never doing any work and mis-reading the course description so that I (literally) couldn't take two of the tests. That's right, I got a D in physics 2 with an uncurved C+ test average and a 98.5% final lab score. At least I don't have to take the lab over again.

At least when I get done with all this schooling, I'll have a nice piece of paper in a glorified envelope with a shiny sticker of the GT crest to bury in storage with my MMS Beta Club shirt and those pictures of me in running mascara from when I was in the Wiz.

So, in general, school kinda sucks. I guess it's because I feel like I'm losing all of my friends. We just have different interists. They want to party and work on school work. I just want to do something I believe in.

I have ideas that would absolutely revolutionize the way EDM (electronic dance music, most of you will probably think "Techno," even though that term is grossly misued) is performed in clubs throughout the world. My ideas would turn DJs from audiophile geeks, who basically operate a really nice Stereo system with secrets well-guarded so that people don't know how simple it really is, into real musicians. The problem with all the solutions that try to do that now, of which Ableton Live (www.m-audio.com) is the only notable contender, is that they still work in an industry based on the paradigm of Records. Yeah, you can start a song from any point in the record at the push of a button and create nifty loops and send it through effects. I can do it with turntables, all be it not very well, and I know people who can do anything you can with Live...but with turntables, and probably better.

My ideas would change that and actually allow DJs to create something completely new, while still based on other people's songs. But, it would also require the music industry to release their prescious multitrack recordings for DJs use. And considering how much they fight p2p, it won't happen except maybe with small, independent labels. And until that happens, all this wonderful processing power and all these great new DSP chips are basically really complicated facimilies of Turntables, with reduced reliability and none of the conveniences and tactile satisfaction of the original.

I could do that.

Or, I could write about how ignorant people are of politics and how little bleeding-hearts will help people in need. "Give a man a fish, feed him for a day; teach him to fish, feed him [and his offspring] for generations." Or, I could loqute the problems with public schools for the smart introverts. Or, I could discuss--in great detail--the phenomenon of alcohol in our culture, or sex, or violence, or even just complaining like I'm doing now.

And all of it would feel more satisfying than realizing that complex exponentials are a benificial way to represent sinusoids because algebra works on them. Yeah, it's important, as almost none of the music I mentioned above would exist without Fourier transforms, but I don't feel like crunching numbers (or in this case, greek letters) is something I can believe in just yet.

Oh yeah, and I went to a career counselor this summer. Every test, every personality inventory, every single thing we did lead him, and me, to the conclusion that I'm supposed to be some kind of artist. That's great, now I just have to find a way to make money to finance my clothing, music, and speeding habits.

"Sorry for speeding officer, but I was trying to take a photograph based on speed slur and geometric juxtaposition of technology and nature that would represent today's neopostmoderntranscendentalisticexistential crisis."

Also, I think I've decided that I don't drink.

I'm realizing that it really is hypocritical of me to condem people, if only in my own mind, for using harder drugs when I use something that is also illegal and presnts a similar risk - with no actual benifits. But, then you get into whether Caffeine should count - I tend to think it should. It's not a major crisis in my life, but it's something that I've been thinking about recently. And I've all but decided that I'm basically a straight-edge, though not in the strictest of senses for one of the major tenents.

And, now, the thing that I've wanted to write so many times, but I never do manage to....and I realize again that this is not the proper forum. I've got to tell them in person. Resolving the central issue of my life for the past year or so, even if it's as difficult as I know it will be, has got to lead to some kind of peace compared to the chaos and neurosis that I feel right now. I'll update next Wednesday, late, and let you know if I have the cajones to go through with it.

Maybe this is what blogs are for. It helps to write things down, but maybe it helps even more to write them down where people have a chance to read them. Even if they never do, the possibility is there, and the openness seems to lead to a kind of resolve, a peace, that makes me think I've done something.

New Outlook

2005-01-17T01:18:00.000-05:00

So, since my last post, I've been to Men of Honor (leadership retreat with my Fraternity), bought a Turntable, and initiated a new pledge class into my Fraternity.

Because of theese and some other actions, I know that while I don't know where I'll be in 10 years or 5 for that matter (though probably still at Tech), I know that where I am right now is right where I need to be. Because I choose it to be so.

Something we went over at MOH was to look at "obligations" like school, work, financial commitment, etc. as choices. Laws, ruls, and regulations don't actually have some mystical power that forces you to obey, you choose whether or not to, and fance consequences because of your choice. This outlook has done me good and will do me good, and I suggest it to any who don't know their direction, or who just don't know why they put up with going to work every monday morning...or tuesdays...or any other day ending in a 'y.'

So, yeah...much happier right now, just because of learning a bit about myself, my Brothers, and my friends.

As always,
Damn proud to be a Phi-Kap.
Damn proud to be a SKULL!!!

How do you know what you want to do with your life?

2005-01-04T03:34:00.000-05:00

Seriously. How do people figure it out?

My mom has told me repeatedly about how, at some point in my life, I'm going to run into something that I want to spend my life doing. But, my life takes up so much time...usually on nothing important...that I don't know that if and when I find it, I'll notice.

I've been told to choose a carrer that lets me do what I would choose to do in my spare time as a career. Unfortunatly, you can't make enough money to live on by shooting and listening to music except in the AMU. And I'm pretty sure that athma and a damaged kidney would keep me out of that.

I really have no clue what I want to do with my life, and I'm getting more and more discouraged about continuing down the wrong path at Georgia Tech. I really fucking hate that place, and the more I think about what I'm doing there, continuing to specialize in something that causes stress but doesn't really make me happy, the more I want to give up and try something else.

How do I know when I've gone too far down the wrong road?

They still don't get it...

2004-11-15T15:33:00.000-05:00

Prerequisite Reading: Commentary on Kerry's Concession.

So...where to begin.

First, let me say that I voted for Bush and I'm proud of it.

But, the descriptions throughout the article don't describe me at all. For instance,

"What we don't realize is that there's a huge segment of the country that doesn't think like us," states one well-coifed anchor, his voice dripping with derision and condescension. "We can never understand the people who like their guns and their pick-up trucks and their Nascar."

Well, it's true I don't think like liberals. I actually understand what laws are, how they work (post coming to discuss this soon), and why I obey (most of) them. It's true that I like guns (though, not for hunting). But that's about where the profile ends. I don't like Nascar, I prefer racing in cars that turn both directions. And don't tell me "Tey race in Sonoma now," because I've never seen driving that bad on a track before.

I don't drive a truck, I drive a BMW.
I don't read the New York times, because their commentaries are slanted the wrong way.
I do chuckle at political cartoons, just not in the New Yorker.
I don't like beer.
I don't watch Football.
I don't go to church.
I don't bowl for a league.
I consider myself fairly well educated in life, the universe, and everything, and I doubt highly that I'll be working in a blue-collar enterprise.

I still voted for Bush.

I know what you're thinking. In response:

I don't own a big business.
I am not old money.

But I do know what's going on. I do know enough about America to know that Bush, while vastly imperfect, is a slightly better candidate to further American Ideals than Kerry could ever be.

This country was founded principally on the Ideals of a small, limited government and Individual Responsibility. Kerry likes neither of theese. Okay, you can say that Bush has increased the size of the US government and you'd be right. You can say that he helped the Patriot Act, which is directly contradictory to the wishes of our founding fathers. But, he's still not as bad as Kerry.

And that's what Liberals don't get. They don't understand how the Blue-Collar workers (other than southerners still mad at the party of Lincoln), the old money, the big businesses, the people who vote for Republicans based on heritage, and people like me - who understand what America was founded for and how far from it our liberal predecessors have lead us - can add up to more than the actors, journalists, lobyists, braindead heavy-hearted twenty-somethings, and losers with nothing better to do than complain without offering solutions.

And we can.

Because we know what's going on.

And we're right.

And they still don't get it. Pathetic...

what's really important

2004-11-11T22:27:00.000-05:00

Required Reading: Violence and love, 1 Corinthians chapter 13,Barter by Sara Teasdale, The Greatest of Man, and on Death. The first one is written by a friend of a friend (don't know his name, actually). The second should be obvious, and the last two are mine. They seemed roughly apropriate. Change the .txt at the end of the last two to .doc or .sxw for a file that's easier to read. Btw, if you don't know that .sxw is, then you can't read it. Go here to get a reader, and a bit more...

So, if you did the reading, I'll bet you know where my mind has been over the past few days: my last speeding ticket.

Because, you know what, life gets in the way of what I really want to do.

I'll agree with the unknown 2nd level friend that society places focus on the wrong things. His focus was on how violence is reinforced while love (or more literally in his essay, sex) is shuned. I wrote about theese things in another of my blog entires, a relatively long one, with a different focus. Basically, I was complaining that while growing up, American Life teaches us to believe that we can do anything, that we can literally live our dreams. It is not until High School or College that we finally learn the truth: that we are slaves to the American Society that so many fight to protect.

Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely thrilled to be able to express the freedoms that my ancestors' blood bought for me. But finding good in something doesn't mean it's beyond reproach. Supporting certain American ideals doesn't mean that America is perfect. This is yet another of its benifits, and one that very few realize.

Anyway, back on topic. The truth about our slavery is horifying in its simplicity and pervasiveness. Everyone at one point in time wanted to be "special." And not "sub director of purchasing for some faceless public relations department" special. Everyone wanted to be an Astronaut, Race Car Driver, Police Officer, Spy, Anchorperson (damn PC bullshit), Fireman, Doctor, Lawyer, President, or Actor. But very few people do it.

Some people find other passions: hackers (read: programmers), engineers, vets, bankers, politicians, and many other jobs, people actually like. But the majority of jobs are not glamorous. People do not want to do them. How many times have you seen someone obviously disgusted with his or her job? Pretty often. I see it every time I go to a fast food restaurant or sit in a public school classroom. We've got a serious problem here.

The disparity between what people expect and what actually happens is astonishing. How many of those burger-flippers are thinking about how much cooler it would be to fly the space shuttle as a profession, if only their school had been able to teach them calculus.

But that's the real problem, isn't it?

I was talking to a friend from Sarejavo, and she said that the main differnece she sees between Tech and her home is that here, people are out for themselves and those close to them while in at home, people are out for the betterment (or prolongation) of society.

I like our way better, but that's probably because I'm an American. She likes their way better by a similar token.

So, the problem isn't the inherantly American ideal of individual responsibility (read anything about Jeffersonian Agrarianism or my 12th grade history term paper for a longer discussion of this topic) as many extreme liberals, europeans, and communists would have you believe.

The problem is in our school system. The designers of the public school system know that the typical person only processes data with a few set questions to ask about it. The simplest interpretation is, "would you like fries with that?". The most complicated is something along the lines of, "What type of collision resolution should I use in this hash algorithm for my latest Java program?". Because even white collar jobs are being affected. Very few purely fun ideals exist in jobs now. People on the cutting edge of development in the field (such as the lisp hackers who wrote the wysiwyg store creators for Yahoo shopping and Amazon or the Honda guys working on Asimov) or in academia (like the guy I talked to today who's developing microcircuitry to produce implantable automatic electric defibrilators) can actually say they're changing the world. People in the military can say they're risking their lives, and police are keeping us safe. Firefighters and Doctors and Lawyers are still special. But there aren't enough "special" jobs to go around. This is kinda depressing. To know that the schools have lied to us to make us think that we can be more than we are statistically probabble of being...

But, it's okay...

Because, none of that really matters...

It doesn't matter what you do for a living. It doesn't really matter what you do for a job.

Because that's it; that's all it is, a job.

Just a job. And they won't matter in the long run.

Instead, simple goals. Find something you love, and stick to it. Whether it's a sport or an art or a hobby or anything at all. Just find something you love to do, and keep doing it. Small tip: make it something you can do for your entire life. Don't make it extreme mountain biking or something like that - you won't be able to do that in your 80's, you won't be able to do that in your 30's. You may not be able to remember it in your 30's. But if that's your cup of tea, go for it.

Second: Find someone you love, and stick to him or her. Find someone you really love - not sex - but love. And never ever let that person go. You'll never find anything better than holding that person while watching a christmas snowfall next to a fireplace with the remains of your favorite desert strewn about the table...

Third: Find some friends you really love, and hold on to them. Find them and keep them. Forever.

Those are the things that matter in life. Those are the things you're going to think about on your death bed.

Those are the things that make my life worth while, and I honestly believe that good friends, a good Love, and a good love are the stuff that dreams are made of.

May all that brings you happiness come to you in dreams tonight and in reality tomorrow.

expectations

2004-11-11T16:49:00.000-05:00

I don't feel like writing right now for some reason. But, expect within the next few days a post about sexuality, violence, and economics. And plublic school.

Short version: Americans' outlooks are messed up and public schools suck. I wonder if the two are related?

averaged emotions

2004-11-09T18:03:00.000-05:00

I think my theory might be wrong.

Getting a speeding ticke sucked. Shooting sucked. Having to drive back with the cruise control on and almost falling asleep in traffic sucked.

Semi-formal was fun. Music was cool, light show was cool, Katie and I had fun, as did everyone else from what I can tell.

I can call that day very slightly positive. The next day was pretty signifiantly positive, spending most of the day with Katie...was great.

But, on a larger scale, it's going to average out negative. I'm probably going to lose my license. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I could just pay it and hope they don't notice that I should lose my license like I always have (we figured out today that I should have lost it twice). I could take a defensive driving course in an atempt to just pay the ticket and not lose my license. I could get a lawyer. Kevin's guy charged about $750, wich is $125 a month that I would lose my license for if it works. Or an additional $750 down the drain if it doesn't work.

Losing my license would suck. I could deal with not being able to come home every night or with having to ride marta. I'd simply start carrying a weapon (not a gun 'cuz that wouldn't be legal, but a baton of some kind maybe) and ride atlanta's death trap on rails and walk by drug dealers each way. But it would suck because katie still has a legal curfew at midnight. I guess we'd deal with it. But it'd still suck.

I could deal with it. I've already decided that if I lose my license, I'm going to sell my car. That's twenty-thousand dollars (or so) of positive equity that could be put into stock and earning dividends instead of depreciating steadily for six months.

And six months of car payments that don't need to be paid. I might not be able to get another Z, but at this point, I've about decided that the only way to keep me from speeding is to drive a car that I can't speed in. I actually drove the speed limit because I was TERRIFIED of the car. I didn't have enough control of that car to drive any faster, so I didn't.

The problem is that in my car (or in the 325 loaner) it is safe for me to drive at twice the speed limit.

It might be worth driving a death trap that causes my back to cramp after sitting in it for five minutes to keep me able to drive. Then again, I'd probably never use it.

Traffic laws suck. I'd post my essay about how they're contrary to the American Dream, but people would just think I was bitter. It's true, but I'm also right.

Fuck the po-lice!

Semi-Formal

2004-11-07T21:46:00.000-05:00

yay!

Semi-Formal kicked ass. For the three or so (confirmed) people who read this, good pictures will be up eventually. BTW, stringing to Depeche Mode's remix of Tainted Love works fairly well.

And Durango's is a fairly good steakhouse on P'tree just north of Andrew Young.

AND there's a belgian restaurant in Atlanta. I haven't been there yet 'cuz I got outvoted last night, but I'm going at some point - yay for flemish reabbit.

I'm feeling better now. I'm not sure exactly why. I think most of it is my attitude. I live way too far in the future, and put way too much stock in things to come. Focusing on what is here now seems to help. I'm going to give that a try, instead of living weekend to weekend.

But right now, i'm freaking exhausted...

I'm not satisfied with life.

2004-10-29T00:52:00.000-05:00

So, This was going to be an away message, but it's just too damn big:

Katie, I love you, don't think this has anything to do with you.
Amanda, Heather, Kathryn, Skulls, Peter, Max, Ben, Alex, Steven, etc., don't think this has anything to do with you.

I'm not satisfied with life.

I've never actually been good at school, i'm just smart. I take tests well, and I do work to get by. That got me into one of the best universities in the world. Guess what, I'm going to lose hope. And it's not because I can't hack it. It's because I don't care to.

Physics, I've done twice before with good results. This is no different, except that I'm not learning, I'm remembering. And becasue of that, I don't study. Because of that, I may not make a B (the best grade I can get w/o taking the final or having homework [which i don't do] graded, so...the best gade I can get).

Computer Science, I've done before. I'm not even remembering it, I'm just doing it. Ok, I'm learning GUI's, but that's just reading the API and trying to do it on the limited command set we're allowed to use. For those who care, we haven't learned layout controls, so we're just making it look however java wants to make it look. Guess what, I don't care about this either. So it's hard to make myself do it. This week will probably be the second that I just dont't turn it in.

Multi-variable Calculus. It's the same as regular calculus, but with multiple dimmensions. It's easy, but I still don't do the algebra perfectly. Guess what, I don't do homework, so I have no idea what the teacher wants. And I failed a midterm because of it. Well, actually I got a D+, which was one of the higher grades in the test: the highest was a C-, and the prof. hasn't mentioned anything about a curve.

ECE2030: Intro To Computer Engineering. I'm actually doing this. I'm learning, I'm working, I'm studying, and I'm making an A. What's different? I don't already know this. I'm having to learn it. Heh, the one class I should be having trouble with is the class I'm going to make an A in.

This is the way it has always been. I'm happy when I'm buisy, but I can't force myself to do buisywork. You're going to tell me to grow up and stop complaining, to which i'll respond, "Eat shit and die." My GPA in HS was directly proportional to the load I had on myself, which was wierd, becasue I really didn't do that much more work. And I always had about the same ammount of free time, which is wierd.

I can't figure out why I'm doing this. I can't figure out why I'm doing anything. "To get a degree" A friend asked me tonight, "isn't your future enough motivation in itself? (sic)" No, it's not. Not if I don't have an idea of where I'm going. If I had a legitimate goal that I thought would lead me somewhere I wanted to go, I could do anything to get to it. But doing calculus or cs homework to get a degree that I may or may not use in whatever career I end up in doesn't seem like a productive use of my time.

I haven't been this depressed since I was in public middle school in syphilus-ville.

When I was young, I had a thirst for knowledge. Memorial Middle School almost killed it through three years of punishing me for being different from what the other kids wanted and from what the teachers knew how to deal with. Four years at Woodward rekindled it, and I was actually looking forward to learning stuff in college. Now, a year and a half of Georgia Tech has all but destroyed it again.

I need to get out of here, because I'm afraid that if I don't, I won't ever get it back.

So, now to the part about not being satisfied with life.

I'm not satisfied with life because I can't do nothing. I'm not satisfied with life becasue I know that 21st Century American Society is going to force me into a normal life of work and childraising. And that is not what I want. Every part of my childhood has lied to me about what can be. Every part of my childhood has lead me to believe that my dreams can become reality. But, I don't have the time or resources to follow all of them. And I can't yet see which one(s) is/are feasible. Until I do, I'm wasting my time.

If I had it to do over again, I don't know what I would have done, but it wouldn't have been this.

I might have gone to UK or UAlaska-Fairbanks to shoot, with or without a scholarship. Then, at least I'd be doing something productive. And the schools are easy enough that I could squeak by with A's (or B's at least) with no real work and end up with an undergrad degree in anything I wanted. Some would point out that a degree from GT is worth more than from UK or UAF, but to them I say "Eat shit and die." Anything I'll want to do will either not require a degree (Shooting, driving, writing, etc.) or will require a Ph.D. (teaching, etc.).

I might have gone to MIT. The school would be hard, but I thrive under high stress. And I could still shoot more there than I do now. But the environment is so liberal that I probably wouldn't be happy.

I might have tried to go to a Service Academy. The physical stuff would be a challenge if my kidney would even let me in, but as I said before, I thrive in high-pressure environments. It would probably be the Air Force Academy, mostly to spend 3 years of a rifle team with Chris Hill, the guy who taught me to shoot and the best natural leader i've EVER known. But Lones Wigger (rifle coach at West Point) would be hard to say, "No." to. Plus, if I ended up good, I could serve out my obligation in the Army Marksmanship Unit, watching an officer career go nowhere while I trained for the Olympics.

I still don't know what i'd be studying, but it wouldn't be here. I don't know if I'd be happy, but I wouldn't be here.

But there are good things at Tech: the Skulls, Amanda, Heather, Alex, Ben, and all the other freinds I have. I guess what I have to decide is whether or not Brothers and Friends are enough to keep me at Tech. I know none of them want me to be unhappy. But, I don't know that moving will fix that. I'm really confused and I have no idea what to do. I'm about ready to drop out and spend the rest of the semester taking personality tests and aptitude tests and carreer preference tests to see if that'll shed some light on what I'd be happy doing. I'll try anything at this point. Help...

Because i'm the king of procrastination....

2004-10-28T20:29:00.000-05:00

-- Name: Joseph Simoneau
-- Birthplace: Margate, FL (aka, upper east sextown)
-- Gender: Male, last time i checked
-- Eye Color: dark brown
-- Hair Color: brown
-- Height: 5'11"
-- Righty or Lefty: Ambi, but I write/shoot w/ my left hand.
-- Zodiac sign: Aquarius.
-- Your heritage: Scotch/Irish, French, Nerd
-- The shoes you wore today: Black Footprints by Birkenstock
-- Your fears: dying, and realizing there is nothing else, and that love might just be an emotion

-- Your thoughts first waking up: "Why is the sun out? WHY CAN'T I BE NOCTOURNAL?" [edit]
-- Your best physical feature: Don't know, though i've been told my hair.
-- Your bedtime: Sleep?
-- Your most missed memory: Cintennial concert at Woodward, "Life Has Loveliness to Sell," last line...I'd live my life in that moment if I could.

-- Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi, Coke is discussing.
-- McDonald's or Burger King: McDonalds
-- Single or group dates: Single dates
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Coffee: Coffee
-- Chocolate or vanilla: Belgian cocolate, not that Godiva crap, the good stuff...
-- Cappuccino or coffee: Cappuccino

-- Smoke: never
-- Cuss: We're a bunch of...oh yeah, i'm not suposed to publish those lyrics...
-- Sing: always
-- Take a shower everyday: unless i'm too buisy
-- Have a crush: does a girlfriend count?
-- Do you think you've been in love: Absolutely, twice now.
-- Want to go to college: I did before I got here, now I just want the piece of paper.
-- Liked high school: at times
-- Want to get married: maybe
-- Believe in yourself: absolutely
-- Get motion sickness: once when i was four
-- Do you think you're attractive: somewhat
-- Think you're a health freak: not a freak, but i enjoy pushing my body past some of its limits
-- Get along with your parents: When we're not together for too long.
-- Like thunderstorms: Usually

In the past month...
-- Drank alcohol: Not sure of exact date, but i might have had a martinit w/in a month...
-- Smoked: nope
-- Done a drug: Zyertec, Rhinochort, Zicam, Tylenol, Ibeuprofin, Cafiene
-- Had Sex:
-- Made Out: yes
-- Gone on a date: yes
-- Gone to the mall?: no
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no
-- Eaten sushi: no, don't care for it
-- Been on stage: no
-- Been dumped: no
-- Made homemade cookies: no
-- Gone skinny dipping: that sounds like a good idea...
-- Dyed your hair: no
-- Stolen anything: music and movies, but i'm going to buy the movie when it comes out

Have you ever?
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Once, and I don't want to repeat it.
-- Been caught "doing something": kind of, but what the catcher saw never really came up
-- Been called a tease: girls like being teased up to a point, and don't let anyone tell you differently
-- Gotten beaten up: no
-- Shoplifted: no
-- Changed who you were to fit in: only for a greater cause

-- Age you hope to be married: not sure, probably before 50
-- Numbers and Names of Children: two daughters if any, Sara and Ashley stick out as good names...
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: Northern Italy, that about describes everything....
-- How do you want to die: loved, and having made a difference
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: if i knew that, i probably wouldn't be so fatalistic about school
-- What country would you most like to visit: England, Spain, Russia, Portugal, Italy, Hong Kong, Japan, pretty much anywhere else I can go.

In a guy/girl..
-- hair color? Brown
-- Best eye color? blue, green, grey, hazel...
-- Short or long hair: longer than short, but as long as it looks good...
-- Height: 5'6"ish
-- Best weight: dancer's body, maybe just a little more up top...
-- Best article of clothing: low-rise bikini cut panties...

-- Number of drugs taken illegally: ilicit substances: none, legal drugs taken w/o perscription: a couple, all i now hae a perscription for
-- Number of piercings: none
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: eleventy-billion, mostly in the sports section, odly enough...and a couple times in entertainment...

Braindeadness at the "right" time.

2004-10-15T08:03:00.000-05:00

I was going to write something here, but I forgot. I finally remembered, but that was after I sat here, staring at my computer screen and trying to remember what I was going to write. Thankfully, fall break just started last night when I read that my cs assignment due date had been pushed back to next friday. And since then, i've been completley braindead - yay. Time to give my left brain a break.

Now, on to something that's been bothering me.

There's this song by Kelly Clarkson (I've never heard of her before) called break away. Well, it kinda bugs me. As a song about a girl trying to get out of her podunk home town, it's okay, not great, but okay: completey superficial and simple, but ... it's okay.

However, the first time I heard it, the guy on the radio (admiteldy not the smartest cookie ever baked) said that Ms. Clarkson (or her publicist, most likely) has come out with a different interpretation. He claimed that the song was about a girl who's decided to lose her virginity.

I can see that - visuals abbound in the song that have been used in older tv-shows to imply sex; there's a phallic symbol in one of the later versus; and she speaks of "[touching] the sky." It's a legitimate interpretation.

But, if that's what it's really about, part of it bugs me: specifically, the line that says, "But I won't forget the ones that I love." In the first interpretation, fine. I get it.

But in the second, there are only two possible significances I can think of for this line.

First, that somehow having sex would imply abandoning values inspired by parents. Not too far of a stretch, but to imply that she'd somehow "forget" them by having sex. That bugs me. Ok, so she decided that she wanted to have sex, maybe to the dismay of uptight parental influences. That doesn't mean that remembering them would be anything special, and the fact that she feels she has to explicate that she won't forget them implies a situation like the one in Splendor in the Grass, when a mother values her daughter's virginity more than her daughter's wellbeing.

Converse to all this, "love" in that line could refer not to people whom she loved before her choice, but to those who she'll love through her choice. With this modification, "all the ones" takes on a wholely greater feel, implying that she's planning on sleeping with many people over the course of her life. I'm aware that this is fairly normal and that people who save themselves for only one person are rare. But to think that she's entering this choice, knowing that there is NO chance that the one she sleeps with first will be the only is beyond my comprehension. I don't know how one could make the choice to sleep with someone for the first time without at least a resonable chance that s/he'd be the only. I just can't comprehend it...oh well...it's just pop. It probably doesn't have a message.

Nothing

2004-10-07T18:22:00.000-05:00

I am the guy from Office Space.
I want to sit and do nothing, and I know it'll be everything I think it can be.

Ugh, and I really want to like blogging, 'cuz it's one of the difining portions of one of the cultures I'm trying to associate myself with. Too bad, I'll just have to take the other stand...

Since i'm not going to write here again, most likely, i'll just end it with theese words of suggestion,

Go cry about it in your live journal ...

Sleep Deprivation

2004-09-02T03:18:00.000-05:00

This sleep deprivation thing is getting out of hand.

It's four something in the freaking morning and I can't go to sleep.

At six last night, I was haivng trouble staying awake. I barely made it through Chapter w/o dozing off. And now I can't sleep. Hell, I was so bored with staring in the general direction of nothing that I did my cs homework. Hell, I'm considering doing calculus or physics just so I won't have to stare.

And it's not working - homework isn't making me fall asleep. Wtf, mate?

I'll never be able to shoot like this...

Oops

2004-08-29T22:02:00.000-05:00

Maybe this blog won't stay long either.

It's been over 20 days since my last entry.

A lot has happened, but nothing of note that i can write.

School started, and it sucks as usual. I'm in this self-paced version of physics II, and i can't convince myself to start working. I should really get on that. I can get the semester course done in 5 weeks easily if i do 2 chapters a week (doable since this is the 3rd time i've covered the material) and actually get started at some point.

Oh yeah, and love life is starting to heat up again.

It seems like everything hits me at once, for those of you who know what's really going on in my life.

Look to have a new essay posted in the next few weeks - not sure what to write about, but i feel like i should be and that i will be soon.

and to the new pledge class, if you find this, Carpe diem, et apres diem, carpe noticem...

Transcendentalism vs. Existentalism and Noblemen vs. Commoners

2004-08-07T17:22:00.000-05:00

Transcendentalism: "A literary and philosophical movement, associated with Ralph Waldo Emerson and Margaret Fuller, asserting the existence of an ideal spiritual reality that transcends the empirical and scientific and is knowable through intuition" (www.dictionary.com). But, that's not all of it. Emmerson and Thoreau believed that people are inherantly perfect. And that flaws in society corrupted them, made them turn against their better nature. It is a very admirable and respectable philosophy, one that I have followed for most of my life, even without knowing it. For I have believed that people are inherantly good. But, now I see the truth.

Existentialism: "A philosophy that emphasizes the uniqueness and isolation of the individual experience in a hostile or indifferent universe, regards human existence as unexplainable, and stresses freedom of choice and responsibility for the consequences of one's acts" (dictionary.com). Again, not the whole story. Existientialism looks okay on the surface, but is rather pessimistic. It believes that the human condition is one to be lamented and understood. But, while stressing choice and consequence, existentialism preaches that actions really don't change the universe or the human condition. Just read anything by Hemmingway, and ask yourself how you feel when you get done.

One very optimistic philosophy and one very pessimistic. And neither one of them is completely right.

As I said before, there are obviously two classes of people, divided by the presence of spiritual nobility in a person's character. That altrusim, that integrity, is what seperates people intended to acomplish good deeds and those destined only for existence.

Unfortunately, the people destined only for existance seem to outnumber the good ones by a wide margin. Pity.

It's a good thing to know the transcendentalist inside me isn't dying...just becoming a little more existentialist...a little more pessimistic.

And it is now because I choose to that I remain hopeful for the noble few of us, not simply because it is in my nature.

I'm pro choice.

2004-08-07T11:50:00.000-05:00

I support citizens rights to choose whether or not to carry defensive weapons.
I do not support a woman's "right" to murder because she helped create the life.

Haven't been here in a while

2004-08-04T00:39:00.000-05:00

It'd be unfair to say that nothing has been going on. Life is up and down. It's averaging out to almost zero, though, so does it really matter whether if it's positive or neative as long as it is sufficiently small? (Sadly enough, i think i could write that in symbols and greek leters...wow, i'm a geek)

Last night I said something about the transcendentalist inside me dying...and I got one response from a good friend. Oh well. In my mind, there are forming two classes of people. Not rich vs. poor, haves vs. have nots, Democrats vs. Republicans, or some stupid thing based on race or sex. My caste system is based entirely on honor. And I see a different level of humanity between those who have it and those who do not. Honorable people smell better, they feel better, they look better. And that's something that you can't fake.

I was looking back at pictures from my Sophomor and Junior years (HS) ... yeah, anyone who knows me knows exactly whom i'm comparing about. And it's obvious in those pictures. Too bad it takes some time to tell with a lot of people. Some people can pretend to be honorable. But in the end, to each what he has earned. Karma is a beautiful concept, even if it doesn't work in this lifetime or with some Christian ideals.

If the red slayer think he slays, 

Or if the slain think he is slain, 

They know not well the subtle ways 

I keep, and pass, and turn again. 

Far or forgot to me is near,  

Shadow and sunlight are the same, 

The vanished gods to me appear, 

And one to me are shame and fame. 



They reckon ill who leave me out; 

When me they fly, I am the wings; 

I am the doubter and the doubt, 

And I the hymn the Brahmin sings. 



The strong gods pine for my abode, 

And pine in vain the sacred Seven; 

But thou, meek lover of the good! 

Find me, and turn thy back on heaven.

Ralph Waldo Emerson - Brahma

Barter - By Sara Teasdale

2004-07-25T01:29:00.000-05:00

I feel like this is the right time to post this.

Life has loveliness to sell,
all beautiful and splendid things,
Blue waves whitened on a cliff,
Soaring fire that sways and sings,
And children's faces looking up,
holding wonder like a cup.

Life has loveliness to sell,
Music like a curve of gold,
Scent of pine trees in the rain,
Eyes that love you, arms that hold.
And for your spirit's still delight,
holy thoughts that star the night.

Spend all you have for loveliness,
buy it and never count the cost;
For one white shining hour of peace,
count many a year of strife well lost,
and for a breath of ecstasy,
give all you have been
or could be.

we sang an arrangement of that poem in my 9th grade chorus.
i can still feel it.
and though i have a recording, no stereo can make it as powerful as it was
standing in the middle of that music.

If i could live my life in a moment, that'd be it.

This isn't working

2004-07-25T00:30:00.000-05:00

Ok, so aparantly, this blog thing isn't sticking with me so well. I like the idea, well, sortof. But I can't force myself to write in it every day. I was doing well with a journal that I kept on paper during the school year, but I can't find it now. Actually, it just hit me. I think I know where it is.

...
45 minutes later ...
...

I found it. Wrote in it. Read some old entries.

And i came to a realization while writing and talking to Kasey. I don't care what I do for a living. I don't care if I end up shooting or racing or debugging networks. What's important in my life are the relationships I have along the way, the people I love, and those who love me. I don't care what I do for a living past the fact that i want to be successfull enough so that i don't have to worry about money or have it hold me back.

For one white shining hour of peace
count many a year of strife well lost
and for a breath of ecstasy
give all you have been
or could be.

It's after midnight

2004-07-23T00:12:00.000-05:00

It's after midnight, and The Bourne Supremacy comes out today.

I can't wait. I know a lot of people didn't like the first one, but I did. And I think it's going to be a good movie. I mean, how can't it be when the main character uses a sniper rifle with a fluted barrel?

Oh yeah, and i was talking w/ a friend online about it, and at some point, i'm going to get a nice, leather bound journal to make a journal/scrapbook type thing. You know how in movies and stuff you always see lost characters writing and collecting newspaper stories and pictures in things like that. Yeah, that's what I want. Something like what Val Kilmer was writing in when his character took on th artistic persona in "The Saint." Yeah, that'd be cool. If only I could keep it.

I've already missed a day in this thing just because I completely forgot about it - and it's not like i forgot, more like i just didn't bother to remember.

la escuela...

2004-07-20T20:03:00.000-05:00

School is about to start, and I'm actually looking forward to it. Another year of class, I couldn't care less about. But another year of living with friends, eating whenever I want, and trying to have fun in the middle of downtown atlanta ... that, i can get excited about. Plus, Rush is soon, and semiformal and formal and a few other random holidays. All I have to do is survive a few more weeks of summer, and I'll be back to the constnantly changing routine of school.

I wonder what real life is like?

Oh yeah, maybe it's like how Tech canceled one of my classes and doesn't want me to register for another one until the last minute. Maybe it's how they really seem to not want me to shoot while i'm in school.

Speaking of which, since i'm already going to be running w/ kevin, if anyone wants to try out endurance weightlifting in the fall, let me know. It's good for every finesse-based sport and general health. Plus, muscles developed this way look better than bluk-weight muscles.

WOOO HOOO!!!!!!!

2004-07-19T12:53:00.000-05:00

Gentoo's Award-Winning Package Managment system, Portage, has been ported to Mac OS X.
The system automatically detects which OS Version is running (panther or tiger) and configures itself apropriately.
Now, OS X users can enjoy the easy configuration and installation of applications used by Gentoo users everywhere, and the huge collection of source-based software provided by the Portage system.

Everyone using OS X should check this out, www.gentoo.org should provide information.

This is yet another reason that Windows users should feel left out.

Carpe diem, et apres diem, carpe noticem.

2004-07-19T00:58:00.000-05:00

Wise men will tell you one moment to live each day as though it were your last, but at the same time to prepare for your future. Which is more important? The one that may have more potential, but also may never happen, or the one that is happening. I believe that the answer is to be found in music, athletics, theatre, dance, any art really. You cannot perform without living in the moment. If you can, you come find me, because you'll be the first, or you won't be at the top of your game.

So, art and athletics tell us that the moment is more important. Part of this is because this moment is the only one that you can affect. You cannot directly affect something that is ten years down the line, nor something that has already happened. Now is not only the most important, but the only important time in your life. Live it.

I've read and written theese words before, but it is only now, in the winter of my teenage years, that I understand them:

For one white shining hour of peace,
count many a year of strife well lost.
And for a breath of ecstasy,
Give all you have been,
or could be.

Carpe diem et apres diem, carpe noticem.

Don't take life too seriously, you'll never make it out alive.

2004-07-18T13:29:00.000-05:00

Five rules for life, recently compiled from a couple differenct sources (if anyone knows where #'s 1-3 came from, please tell me...)

1) Work like you don't need the money.
2) Dance like nobody's watching.
3) Love like you've never been hurt.
4) Don't sweat the small stuff, and
5) it's all small stuff.
6 - Added 18 Jul 2004) Carpe diem, et apres diem, carpe noticem.

w00t

2004-07-18T00:53:00.000-05:00

Mad props to the Chapter,
I've never said w00t before.
Nor "mad props" except in jest.

Phi Kappa Sigma - Alpha Nu (at Georgia Tech) won 7 (SEVEN) awards at Grand Chapter (a bi-anual national level chapter meeting for active Phi Kappa Sigma chapters), more than any other chapter.

Distinguished Chapter, '03 - '04
Best Website, '02 - '03
Best Website, '03 - '04 (that brings our streak to 5 years running now!)
Jens Scholarship Award (most improved GPA), '03 - '04
Best Chapter Newsletter, '03 - '04
Best MCS Presentation, '03 - '04
Most Improved Chapter, '02 - '03

I am so proud to be one of us.
Over a Hundred years of:

Brothers in Arms and in Peace;
Brothers in Life and in Death;
Brothers in Sadness and in Joy;
Brothers Forever!
Phi-Kaps since 1850.
AN since 1904.

I'd like to post a link to a poem one of my brothers wrote.
It discuesses a problem that everyone will face;
the solution is hidden in the words.
Give it a read.

Welcome back to me.

2004-07-17T20:25:00.000-05:00

I'm back home, sitting in my normal chair. Odly enough, this is the first post i've made from home. I'm really going to try to keep with this one.

Ok, so I've got a dilemma. I can't say much about it because I don't know who is reading this, but...basically i'm going to have to make a hard choice, and it's not like I can go back and try another one if the first one doesn't work right. Oh bother...oh well. I guess that's life. "Activities available. Just add meaning."

Authorship

2004-07-15T20:57:00.000-05:00

Ok, so i've been writing to ASSM for a while now. No one I know IRL knows about it. It's something that I feel I need to do, and it's something that I've been told I'm good at (by people I know only as a font and a name, sometimes more). I'm proud of some of it, but I'm not sure that I want everyone I know IRL to know about it. There's one person who reads my past Blogs, and I don't care if she knows, but I'm not sure about everyone else. I don't know how they'll respond, how they'll view me.

If this motivates you to look up assm, go ahead. Here's a hint, it's a Usenet group. Google groups will get to it too. Have some fun. Most people enjoy it.

It's good writing practice, and my fiction is getting better because of it...having to think ahead to how the stories will develop. I guess i'm just doomed to write it in secret, unless people really are reading this. Oh, the life of a romantic - sometimes it's just too much.

travel

2004-07-15T01:11:00.000-05:00

Ok, I guess I should be fair to the trip.

I was bored when I wrote that, but all in all, it's been good. Got to dress up in fancy clothes and go to a wedding at this mansion in Rhode Island; spent time w/ family that i hadn't seen in almost ten years (at best); sipping free martinis and dancing like an idiot w/ friends and family to a really had dj; eating more chocolate in the past few days than i have had in the past year - including some really good fudge - and driving around one of the prettier parts of the country. And to top it all off, I get to buy computer goodies from my uncle's school at a discounted price. "Can life get better than this? I submit that it CANNOT!"

Greetings and Salutations of Joy

2004-07-14T15:41:00.000-05:00

Here I am in New Hampshire, visiting family for the week. And I'm bored out of my mind. I'll write something when something worth writing about starts happening. I'll also probably have something written to post by the time I get back late saturday.